102 Quotes by John Bishop

I've learned more about having more time as I've got older.

There comes a time in your life when you become comfortable in your own skin.

When I go out with my mates I'm never the centre of attention. Most of them, and they're probably right, keep telling me they're funnier than I am and I'm nicking their life.

I mean Ireland, in all honesty I owe Ireland a lot because I think, and I'm not just saying this flippantly, Ireland is probably the reason that I do the job I do because when I started doing stand-up I came to Ireland and I just sort of gelled with the idea of doing it the way I do - telling stories.

I don't regard myself as big time.

I was at a pharmaceutical conference in Dallas and bored out of my head. I'd split up from my missus and went downtown and had my kids' initials done, JLD, for Joseph, Luke and Daniel. Then I got back with my wife so I had her initials added during the Edinburgh Fringe Festival - after I'd waited a few years to see if the marriage would work!

I do get propositions, but you can't take it serious. I'm in me mid-forties, I've got teenage kids - there's no way I'm going to be caught in a Jacuzzi with some girl out of 'The Only Way Is Essex.'

To me comedy is like being a magician, once they know the rabbit is coming out of the hat they won't care.

You have to spend four hours filming a 30-minute program. That seems mental to me.