110 Quotes by John Bradshaw

Most people have a way to go in terms of developing intimacy and connecting skills when they get married or enter a long-term relationship. But the great thing about a committed relationship is that the relationship itself is a form of therapy. If both partners are committed, most of their differences can be worked out and even appreciated. Shame as the root feeling of humility allows each partner to appreciate and accept the other’s foibles and idiosyncrasies.

Without our anger we become doormats and people pleasers. In childhood you were most likely severely shamed and punished when you expressed anger.

The foundation for our self-image is grounded in the first three years of life. It comes from our major caretaker’s mirroring.

But when the feeling of shame is violated by a coercive and perfectionistic religion and culture – especially by shame-based source figures who mediate religion and culture – it becomes an all-embracing identity.

When you learn how to re-parent yourself, you will stop attempting to complete the past by setting up others to be your parents.

Thus, the Church of Rome gave its official sanction to cruelty toward cats. Anyone coming upon a cat after dark was justified in killing or maiming it, on the grounds that it might be a witch in disguise.

Children are natural believers – they know there is something greater than themselves.

In 15 years of working with teenage drug abusers, I’ve never found a single one who was what I’d call only a chemical addict. As powerful as many of the current market drugs are, especially cocaine and crack, I’ve never yet worked with an addict who didn’t have the inner emptiness. I’ve been in my personal recovery for 30 years and I’ve never met a person in recovery from chemical abuse who didn’t have abandonment issues in the sense I have defined them.

I could not heal my being with my doing. To be who I am is all that matters.