328 Quotes by John Cleese

When you're being stalked by an angry mob with raspberries, the first thing to do is to release a tiger.

Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited.

If you want to know who your friends are, have a major failure.

Michael Palin decided to give up on his considerable comedy talents to make those dreadfully tedious travel shows. Have you ever tried to watch one?

Either people walk round dressed as chickens or they listen to Beethoven.

Well, the only way I can get a leading-man role is if I write it.

In Britain, girls seem to be either bright or attractive. In America, that's not the case. They're both.

It's easier to be creative if you've got other people to play with.

Who's ever going to write a film in which I get the girl? Me!