328 Quotes by John Cleese

We don’t know where we get our ideas from. What we do know is that we do not get them from our laptops.

I think we’re all born with a sense of humor. Creativity is another thing though.

It is terrifying how much of this deeply unkind, utterly pointless, in fact, mind-bogglingly COUNTERPRODUCTIVE kind of behaviour was meted out to children over the centuries by half-witted, power-crazed zombies like this heinous old bat – a large proportion of such psychopaths allegedly acting in the name of an all-loving God.

When people quote sketches to me, half the time I don’t know what they’re talking about so I have to sort of go, aha, yes, oh yep, I remember that and lie my way out of it.

Technology frightens me to death. It’s designed by engineers to impress other engineers. And they always come with instruction booklets that are written by engineers for other engineers – which is why almost no technology ever works.

In Britain, girls seem to be either bright or attractive. In America, that’s not the case. They’re both.

British journalists tend to believe that people who become good at something do so because they seek fame and fortune. This is because these are the sole motives of people who become British journalists.

Naturally, people’s image is of a performer, but the reality of it is the writing for me has always been the most important thing and the most rewarding thing.

I made my first public appearance on the stairs up to the school nurse’s room, at St. Peter’s Preparatory School, Weston-super-Mare, Somerset, England, on September 13, 1948.