328 Quotes by John Cleese

Who’s ever going to write a film in which I get the girl? Me!

What is absurd is not the teachings of the founders of religion, it’s what followers subsequently make of it.

Cats are very intelligent at all the things that cats need to be intelligent about.

The neurologist and psychologist Maurice Nicoll told how he had once asked his headmaster about a passage in the Bible, and after he had listened to the answer for some time, he realized that the man had no idea what he was talking about. What I admire about Nicoll is that he made this discovery when he was only ten. It took me another forty-five years before the penny dropped: very, very few people have any idea what they are talking about.

I think that I feel an indignation when I don’t understand something.

Genuinely good manners are, after all, essentially a way of moderating one’s own egotism, often in the service of considering the egos of others. Even if it’s done mainly for show, it’s still a start.

The Americans are so much more positive. They are much more in love with success. In Britain, they’re a fairly envious bunch, and they love it if you fail.

Some actors, I think, want to feel that they are as creative as the writer. And the answer is, frankly, they’re not.

Laughter connects you with people. It's almost impossible to maintain any kind of distance or any sense of social hierarchy when you're just howling with laughter. Laughter is a force for democracy.