180 Quotes by John Gray

A man assumes that her sudden change of mood is based solely on his behavior. When she is happy he takes credit, but when she is unhappy he also feels responsible. He may feel extremely frustrated because he doesn’t know how to make things better. One minute she seems happy, and so he believes he is doing a good job and then the next minute she is unhappy. He is shocked because he thought he was doing so well.

Aman thinks he scores high with a woman when he does something very big for her, like buying her a new car or taking her on a vacation. He assumes he scores less when he does something small, like opening the car door, buying her a flower, or giving her a hug. Based on this kind of score keeping, he believes he will fulfill her best by focusing his time, energy, and attention into doing something large for her. This formula, however, doesn’t work because women keep score differently.

Women today truly need their men and whatever help they can provide.

Both men and women need to stop offering the method of caring they would prefer and start to learn the different ways their partners think, feel, and react.

How to Support a Man in His Cave Don’t disapprove of his need for withdrawing. Don’t try to help him solve his problem by offering solutions. Don’t try to nurture him by asking questions about his feelings. Don’t sit next to the door of the cave and wait for him to come out. Don’t worry about him or feel sorry for him. Do something that makes you happy.

It took me years to understand that my wife actually wanted me to worry for her when she was upset. Without this awareness of our different needs, I would minimize the importance of her concerns. This only made her more upset.

Men argue for the right to be free while women argue for the right to be upset. Men want space while women want understanding.

When men and women are single for a long time, the differences are sometimes not as defined.

When negative feelings are suppressed positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies.