155 Quotes by John Sandford

Hostas were the hot fudge sundaes of the deer world.

I'm talking to a guy who says he was taken up in a flying saucer and had sexual experiments done on him - which, I got to say, is probably the only sexual experiments he's ever had done on him, that didn't involve a heifer.

The thing about Botox is that when you've had too much, you then have to fake reactions just to look human--and it's impossible to distinguish real fake reactions from fake fake reactions.

Marshall didn't look anything like Lennon; he looked like something that would have eaten Lennon,

When I was reporting crime ... I never had the sense of clockwork conspiracies, or some kind of imposing order of evil. What I sensed was things just sort of falling apart. That's my sense of how crime works, that it's not any kind of calculated evil driven by the devil, but just control disintegrating. Things fall apart and happen out of stupidity and carelessness. Davenport does represent order in this.

These characters are not spontaneous creations. They are engineered down to the last nut and bolt.

They don't have a lot of crime in the countryside other than theft. But every once in a while, things turn ugly, and when they turn ugly, they turn very ugly.

Gonna rain like a cow pissin' on a flat rock" [drugstore clerk to detective Virgil Flowers] Dark of the Moon, p.7

Nuts don’t come in bunches. Only grapes do.