392 Quotes by John Scalzi

Captain, the problem is not that I’m paranoid. The problem is that the universe keeps justifying my paranoia.

It’s the truth.” “Oh, my daughter,” Huma said, and smiled. “Don’t tell me you don’t know how little that actually means.

Again I ask permission to be blunt.” “Ambassador Abumwe, at this point I cannot imagine you being otherwise.

Do your people have racists? People who believe they are inherently superior to all other types of intelligent people?” “We have some,” Sorvalh said. “They’re generally agreed to be idiots.

The answer to that is complicated.” “Give me the short version.” “The short version is ‘Yes, but.’ The slightly longer version is ‘No, and.’ Which version would you like?

Ensign Davis thought, Screw this, I want to live, and swerved to avoid the land worms. But then he tripped and one of the land worms ate his face and he died anyway.

When I was twelve, my appendix burst, and as they were wheeling my ass into the operating room, I asked the doctor, “How will this affect my piano playing?” and he said, “Don’t worry, you’ll still be able to play the piano,” and I said, “Wow! I wasn’t able to before!” And then they gassed me.

I both love and am terrified by Greg Van Eekhout’s vision of Los Angeles. I already want to go back.

After watching Star Wars everyone wanted a lightsaber and was irritated that the technology for them didn’t really exist. Everyone also agreed the Ewoks should all die.