74 Quotes by Jon Richardson

I love paying tax so much, the sight of a gritter lorry gives me an erection.

I refuse to believe that clubbing is how people are supposed to meet to establish relationships on a level for beyond what we consider to be a norm in modern society.

I don’t really talk to people.

Why do fools fall in love? I’ll tell you why, because everybody else has simply got too much else to do.

Such is my desire only to see the best parts of my partner and vice-versa that I must confess to being able to remember each time I have seen someone I was in love with fall over. I cannot help but be disappointed by such a shocking inability to perform such a simple task as staying upright.

The test of total independence comes each night when the bedroom door closes behind you, the lights go out and all that there is to keep you company in the infinite darkness are your thoughts.

The only honest answer when someone asks you if you love them is ‘at the moment, yes’, but try saying that without getting a kick in the chaps.

My mum's amazing. She's the person I admire most, I think, in her sacrifice to me and my sister and her level of emotional sacrifice to people around her. She takes a high level of personal responsibility for the welfare of people around her.

It would be nice to be a piece of toast. Everyone likes a piece of toast, don't they? No one is ever sad when you offer them a piece of toast, and if I could be that to someone, that would be nice.