712 Quotes by Jon Stewart

Senior year is supposed to be about being mentally done.

There's always anxiety when you start a new job, you're the one guy who doesn't know where the ketchup is.

If you're going to give people 20 minutes of news satire, you've also got to give them Tiffani-Amber Thiessen or you're going to have rioting in the streets.

I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.

I could never wrap my head around why the world and the President that Republicans describe bears so little resemblance to the world and the President that I experience. And now I know why. There is a President Obama that only Republicans can see.

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.

Former Vermont Governor Howard Dean was all smiles, well smirks, after picking up the endorsement of former Vice President Al Gore at a rally in Harlem ... Gore went on to praise Dean for taking a tough anti-war stance before the invasion of Iraq and he praised Dean supporters in hopes that will ease his concerns over lack of foreign policy experience, and his lack of support among blacks and Latinos, and his hot temperament, and perceived arrogance, and policy flip-flops, and campaign glitches. Well, there's a lot going on here.

You know, I've always wanted to be a young Charles Kuralt. I started in this business with just a Winnebago and a dream.

If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.