712 Quotes by Jon Stewart

Every generation has their challenge. And things change rapidly, and life gets better in an instant.

It doesn't mean you're going to have a good pro career, or even do well in the bowl game. But to get to that point means something. Now you're in the club.

What's with the poverty Tourette's? Why do these two think we need a hobo for president?

Historic in a good sense, not historic in a sense of 'so we dropped bombs on everyone.

High school. You know, people say, 'I'll never do so-and-so again' - then they do it. So what? Sometimes somebody has crack, and you're looking to stay awake.

You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.

If I'd only followed CNBC's advice, I'd have a million dollars today. Provided I'd started with a hundred million dollars.

I'm less upset with politicians than [with] the media. I feel like politicians ? the way I explain it, is when you go to a zoo and a monkey throws feces, it's a monkey. But when the zookeeper is standing right there and he doesn't say, 'Bad monkey' ? somebody's gotta be the zookeeper.

For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't make things up. We just distill it to, hopefully, its most humorous nugget. And in that sense it seems faked and skewed just because we don't have to be subjective or pretend to be objective. We can just put it out there.