712 Quotes by Jon Stewart

When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?

You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is Nirvana, nothing is perfect.

People that worry about where they think they're going next generally don't end up where they think they're going. I just worry about what I'm doing now and try to make it good. When you've got too much of a master plan, it's going to fail.

It has been eleven days, Stephen, eleven fucking days! Eleven! The presidency is supposed to age the president, not the public.

A Trump was a demon who sometimes appeared to us in quasi-human form in order to fire us from jobs we never wanted in the first place.

I feel your scorn, and I accept it.

It's great having Bruce Springsteen on my show. We have so much in common! We're both from New Jersey, just from different neighborhoods. Sort of like how Martin Luther King and Margaret Mitchell both came from Atlanta. But from different neighborhoods.

As an adolescent, Vonnegut made my life bearable.

Classroom Activities1. Using felt and yarn, make a hand puppet of Clarence Thomas. Ta-da! You're Antonin Scalia!