712 Quotes by Jon Stewart

The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. That’s all it is. All those media companies say, “We’re going to make a killing here.” You won’t because it’s still only as good as the content.

Oh press – must you spread hate? Can’t you just stick to being wrong?

You know, I’ve always wanted to be a young Charles Kuralt. I started in this business with just a Winnebago and a dream.

To me, that’s where a lot of satire lies. News used to hold itself to a higher plane and slowly it has dissolved into, well, me.

I don’t approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected.

People talk about sexual assault like it’s a bad habit that men have.

Child: Why on this night do we eat Hot Fudge Sundaes? Adult: To remind us that being Jewish is like having your birthday every day!! Plus they’re delicious!

A guy who says what people who aren’t thinking are thinking.

Here’s the way I look at it. President Bush has uranium-tipped bunker busters and I have puns. I think he’ll be OK.