712 Quotes by Jon Stewart

There’s nothing like a shipwreck to spark the imagination of everyone who was not on that specific ship.

We look at, the absurdity of the system provides us the most material. And that is best served by sort of the theater of it all, you know, which, by the way, thank you both, because it’s been helpful.

Do you know what writing a book is? It’s sitting alone in a room for weeks without making contact with another human. I felt like Howard Hughes.

Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I’m fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string.

In what is perhaps the strangest turn in the President’s efforts to rally support, he agreed that Iraq is just like Vietnam, but in a good way.

I visit Fox News every now and again, and it’s nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.

I never thought I’d say this, but I miss voter fraud.

A joke is a joke. There’s an expression – I don’t know if you have it – that’s ‘adding insult to injury.’

You know, in Saudi Arabia, you’re innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They’re guilty!