222 Quotes by Jonathan Stroud

Don’t worry. I know we have our differences, but there’s a lot of mutual respect there. If he hesitates, I’ll sweet-talk him. He won’t let us down.” “That total and utter idiot,” Lockwood growled. “That mustachioed imbecile. That benighted, blinkered jobsworth. He’s a clown! A fraud! An oaf! I hate him.” “How’s the mutual respect thing going?” George said.

It’s a commonly known fact that while cats can’t stand ghosts, spiders love them.

Believe me, I know all about bottle acoustics. I spent much of the sixth century in an old sesame oil jar, corked with wax, bobbing about in the Red Sea. No one heard my hollers. In the end an old fisherman set me free, by which time I was desperate enough to grant him several wishes. I erupted in the form of a smoking giant, did a few lightning bolts, and bent to ask him his desire. Poor old boy had dropped dead of a heart attack. There should be a moral there, but for the life of me I can’t see one.

That’s usually how they start, the young ones. Meaningless waffle.

Ooh, I smell something burning... Wait, wait – it’s your pants ! Your pants are on fire, you massive liar ! You so weren’t on a case !

Lockwood gave a sudden exclamation; when I looked at him, his eyes were shining. ‘On second thoughts, we can scrap my last suggestion,’ he said. ‘Stuff the mingling. Who wants to do that? Boring. George – this library. Where is it?

Those statues were exquisitely carved, without exception; that was what the Egyptians were really good at, along with organized religion and civil engineering.

I – though forced through lack of space to assume the form of a stoic guinea pig crouched between the girl’s shoe and the glove compartment – was my usual dignified self.

Has anyone got any bandages? I’ve just split my sides laughing.