17 Quotes by Joy Maniscalco

Don't be anyone's side dish. If you're in this kind of situation and I'm offending you that's just too bad, because you need to hear it. Reality Check- A man doesn't want a side of broccoli when he has a giant steak in front of him. FYI- You're not the steak.

Excuse me, but whatever you're drinking, I'll take a double, because clearly you've entered another dimension if you're talking to this troll!

If you know someone is going to punch you, should you close your eyes and pretend it's not going to happen? or should you be alert, eyes wide open, ready to defend yourself? I don't know about you, but I'd rather see the punch coming than get hit when I'm not looking. Will I be in pain either way? Yes, but I'll have the band aid ready.

I think nostalgia takes over when we think about people we once loved, and we tend to pick out all of the good parts. I could very easily sit here and say I still think about the one that got away, but the truth of the matter is that he didn't get away, he walked away...and I'm the girl he walked away from.

Being comfortable with someone doesn't necessarily mean they feel some deep rooted connection with you, sometimes it just means they're too lazy to impress you any longer than they feel necessary

If he is in fact 'unhappy in his relationship' it's not your job to console him. If his chick 'doesn't understand him' it's not your job to psychoanalyze him. If she's 'not paying enough attention to him' it's not your job to dote over him. It's certainly not your place to do any other 'job' either, if you catch my drift.

I don't need a man to make me happy. I want a man who adds to my happiness in a way that is so indescribable, not even Webster could find written word to explain it.

The common misconception is that women who like to be treated a certain way are high maintenance. It's not being high maintenance, it's called having class