164 Quotes by Julie Burchill

To believe that one, or even three, mates can supply all the things one needs from one's friends is as stupid as believing married couples must do everything together.

Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death. When a life has been lived completely honestly, completely successfully, or just completely, the correct response to death’s perfect punctuation mark is a smile.

When a man wants to relax, he will slob out and really relax. Or he will pursue a hobby – anything from building models to watching sport.

Show me a frigid woman and, nine times out of ten, I’ll show you a little man.

There’s something brave and touching about game girls of all ages keeping themselves smart in hard times – one thinks of those wonderful women during World War II drawing stocking seams in eyebrow pencil up the back of legs stained with gravy browning because nylons were so hard to get hold of.

I don’t really care what people tell children – when you believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, one more fib won’t hurt. But I am infuriated by the growing notion, posited in some touchy-feely quarters, that all women are, or can be, beautiful.

I jest, of course; premature ejaculation isn’t a laughing matter for anyone, except for your friends when you tell them about it on the phone the next morning. My first marriage ended because the main event was invariably over before my husband got his socks off.

I feel I’m trying to get this really crap car going, and it just keeps stalling on me. And then other times I feel like my life’s a train thundering toward me, and I’m in a car stuck on the crossroads and can’t get out. Isn’t it great being young!

Hooliganism incarnate, a walking, talking, screaming, squawking metaphor for What’s Wrong With Young People Today.