65 Quotes by Julie Klausner

Women who work for escort agencies that assign them out to prostitution dates at sushi restaurants know how to eat with chopsticks, and beyond that they are in every other way identical to other prostitutes. They’re not better looking; they’re not smarter; they’re not classier; they’re not more charming. They probably give more blowjobs than any reasonable woman, right? And they are empty inside, but it’s also society’s fault.

Having one of your like dumb sort of stream of consciousness tweets used against you on a right wing website is the ultimate compliment.

Any woman I know can smell a boyfriend a mile away. Women are intuitive, they know when a guy is interested but he's not going to be there for her in that boyfriend-y way,

Do you think trees are the new birds? Don’t answer that right away.

We don’t use phones anymore in this day and age, yet she still phones things in.

The only riot I’m okay with is a zoot suit riot.

I’m really afraid of spiders and my own feelings.

It’s important to remember that Mark David Chapman really set a lot of trends: such as the trend of celebrities having bodyguards.

I consider Greeks the Jews of the sea.