73 Quotes by Justin Halpern

You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.

Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.

That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.

Your penis betrayed you, son. Made you think stupid. It won't be the last time that happens.

You stand in front of an electric fence and whip your dick out to take a piss on it, it's pretty clear you're about to make a mistake. Other than that, you pretty much have no way of knowing.

People are always trying to tell you how to feel. Some of them say it outright, and some of them, they tell you with their actions. And you have to listen.

... human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello.

Who's going to take care of it? You?. . . Son, you came in the house yesterday with sh*t on your hands. Humansh*t. I don't know how that happened, but if someone has shit on their hands, it's an indicator that maybe the whole responsibility thing isn't for them. -Dad

I can't help but think about things critically. Sometimes it can be a curse. What I wouldn't give every once in a while to be a blithering idiot skipping through life with shit in my pants like it's a goddamned party.