368 Quotes by Karl Pilkington

Your dreams should never be better than your real life.

That’s the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape.

I’ve never understood the ‘things to do before you die’ idea. If I was ill, I’d be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin.

My brain’s just full of passwords.

Why is it alright to be going around, going mental with a gun, shooting all the monkeys and killing them? Because one day we’re going to run out.

I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla’s just sat there doing nowt.

People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.

Research shows that arranged marriages last longer, and I wonder if it’s down to the fact that it’s other people putting you together, like when a family member buys you a gift it’s not easy to throw it away, as there’s a chance they’ll come to visit and ask where it is and get upset when you say you’ve binned it.

I’m more open to give things a go, but what I’m not good at yet is holding back. If something is daft or rubbish, I just go, I can’t be doing it.