368 Quotes by Karl Pilkington

I know who I am. Bloody hell, I’m getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, ’cos if I’m not, I have no idea who I’m paying for.

Honestly, all the trouble Noah went to saving the animals two by two and now we’re making handbags out of them. I.

I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that’s all you can do in life, really.

Apparently you’re not allowed to lick a toad’s back.

One of my wisdom teeth is playing up. My dentist said it is known to happen with some people when they’re stressed. My teeth seem to know I’m stressed before I do. Maybe that’s why they’re called wisdom teeth.

I think people would live a bit longer if they didn’t know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things.

And we’ve got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.

I don’t want to go about offending people, that’s not my plan.

There is no need for ants to have the ability to fly.