336 Quotes by Kevin Hearne

On a Creep Scale from Hello Kitty to Cthulhu, I award it a FreddyKrueger. Granuaile MacTiernan

There are only three things you can do when something falls from the sky,' my archdruid used to say. 'Get out of the way, get underneath some shelter, or give it some reason to change its mind about falling on you.' Then he threw a pissed-off rooster at me.

Vestigial remnants of hunter behavior manifests itself as douchebaggery in males when confronted with the emasculating role of modern man, where they are no longer expected to provide food, shelter, or even spiritual guidance for their families but rather stay out of the way until it’s time to perform in the bedroom.

Bacon is the way and the truth.

Icy glares from vampires are far icier than icy glares from people and when the vampire giving you an icy glare is originally from Iceland, you're confronted with the archetypal origin of the term, and you shouldn't be surprised if your core body temperature drops a few degrees.

Atticus "three kinds of cat shit, Oberon."Oberon "and an arrogant family of squirrels.

Oh noes, kitteh haz major angriez!” I said. I turned around to share a laugh with my companions and found them glaring at me. “What?” I asked.Leif shook a finger and said in a low, menacing tone, “If you tell me I have to talk like an illiterate halfwit to fit into this society, I will punch you.”“And I’ll pull out your goatee,” Gunnar added.“Lolcat iz new happeh wai 2 talk,” I explained to them. “U doan haz 2 be kitteh 2 speek it.

Dude. If that was a Shakespearean quote duel, he just kicked your ass.

Why aren't you on the coast? he said, making it sound like an accusation.Because I have new mulch for the garden to help us all grow.He snorted in disbelief. Doubtful. You are a dormant seed.I'd been prepared to allow him a thorny word or two because he lost his nephew at the Seeking,but my sympathy evaporated at such a stark insult. I told him he had no nuts in his shell and swung up beyond his voice.