239 Quotes by Kinky Friedman

If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!

If you don't love Jesus-go to hell!

All my adult life I've been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am.

We're all worm bait waiting to happen. It's what you do while you wait that matters.

May the God of your choice bless you.

Most people, of course, spend their lives caring about the wrong things. The worry about South Africa or Nicaragua. They spend so much time finding themselves that they lose their taxicabs. They don't see that what kind of napkin you get at a delicatessen is a matter of much significance in the world today. That's why they don't get linen.

Always respect your superiors, if you have any.

The reason educational spending in Texas is so low is because you don't have a state tax there, and that's why Texas is big growth because you don't tax people to death.

If you're patient and you wait long enough, something will usually happen and it'll usually be something you don't like.