92 Quotes by Kristen Schaal

I used to carry a rabbit’s foot for luck. Then it was a monkey’s paw. Now it’s a camel’s toe.

Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that’s nice. Kind of like bad weather.

I would love for people to know that the label ‘feminist’ is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means that you support women.

I think growing up on a farm in a certain amount of isolation, with not a lot of friends nearby, makes you entertain yourself and kind of grows your imagination – being alone is quite good for all that. You make up stories, talk to the animals, let them be an audience, a bunch of cows.

I think I’ve always had a disconnect from what I’m supposed to be like.

The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they’ll take a bamboo and they’ll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

Sarcasm doesn’t read sarcastic in print.

Just because I’m married to Doug doesn’t mean I can’t be here for you.

The first time I was on TV, on “Flight of the Conchords,” someone put up a YouTube clip and said, ‘You’re too ugly to be on TV.’ And I was like, ‘That is exactly why it’s a good thing that I’m on TV.’