35 Quotes by Kristin Neff

As the seventeenth-century French philosopher Montaigne once said, ‘My life has been filled with terrible misfortune, most of which never happened.

The only way to eventually free ourselves from debilitating pain, therefore, is to be with it as it is. The only way out is through.

Painful feelings are, by their very nature, temporary. They will weaken over time as long as we don’t prolong or amplify them through resistance or avoidance. The only way to eventually free ourselves from debilitating pain, therefore, is to be with it as it is. The only way out is through.

Mindfulness brings us back to the present moment and provides the type of balanced awareness that forms the foundation of self-compassion. Like a clear, still pool without ripples, mindfulness perfectly mirrors what’s occurring without distortion. Rather than becoming lost in our own personal soap opera, mindfulness allows us to view our situation with greater perspective and helps to ensure that we don’t suffer unnecessarily.

The desire to feel special is understandable. The problem is that by definition, it’s impossible for everyone to be above average at the same time. Although there are some ways in which we excel, there is always someone smarter, prettier, more successful. How do we cope with this? Not very well.

It’s the old carrot-and-stick approach – self-judgment is the stick and self-esteem is the carrot.

One of the major causes of mental health problems, he felt, was a lack of belongingness, the perception that we are cut off from our fellows.

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said to her, ‘I haven’t eaten anything in four days.’ She looked at him and said, ‘God, I wish I had your willpower.