1,579 Quotes by Kurt Vonnegut

You’ll forget it when you’re dead, and so will I. When I’m dead, I’m going to forget everything–and I advise you to do the same.

Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.

I said I wasn’t interested, and she was bright enough to say that she wasn’t really interested either. As things turned out, we both overestimated our apathies, but not that much.

What’s going to happen is, very soon, we’re going to run out of petroleum, and everything depends on petroleum. And there go the school buses. There go the fire engines. The food trucks will come to a halt. This is the end of the world.

Most kids can’t afford to go to Harvard to be misinformed.

Just because something feels better than anything else, that doesn’t mean it’s good for you.

Everything about life is a joke. Don’t you know that?

Laughter or crying is what a human being does when there’s nothing else he can do.

Goodbye blue Monday.