849 Quotes by Lemony Snicket

It is always tedious when someone tells you that if you don't stop crying, they will give you something to cry about, because if you are crying then you already have something to cry about, and so there is no reason for them to give you anything additional to cry about, thank you very much.

Besides getting several paper cuts in the same day or receiving the news that someone in your family has betrayed you to your enemies, one of the most unpleasant experiences in life is a job interview.

Count Olaf had taken out a bottle of wine to pour himself some breakfast, but when he saw the book he stopped, and sat down.

Anyone who thinks the pen is mightier than the sword has not been stabbed with both.

(on the Pip and Squeak asking for a taxi tip)"How about a tip?""Here's a tip," I said. "Next time you're at the library, check out a book about a champion of the world.""By that author with all the chocolate?""Yes, but this one's even better It has some very good chapters in it.""That's the kind of tip we can use," Squeak said. "Pip reads to me between fares.

We both wanted to know each other's secrets, and we both wanted the other person to go first.

There are two good reasons to put your napkin in your lap. One is that food might spill in your lap, and it is better to stain the napkin than your clothing. The other is that it can serve as a perfect hiding place. Practically nobody is nosey enough to take the napkin off a lap to see what is hidden there.

but it's far too late for us; ring, hair, letters, photographs--all traces of our love will be scattered then, like an anagram...

For Beatrice- I would much prefer it if you were alive and well.