849 Quotes by Lemony Snicket

Every night I give a violin recital for six hours, and attendance is mandatory. The word ‘mandatory’ means that if you don’t show up, you have to buy me a large bag of candy and watch me eat it.

Depressed” is a word that often describes somebody who is feeling sad and gloomy, but in this case it describes a secret button, hidden in a crow statue, that is feeling just fine, thank you.

Having a personal philosophy is like having a pet marmoset, because it may be very attractive when you acquire it, but there may be situations when it will not come in handy at all.

How could she live?” he asked. “She betrayed me. She betrayed all of us. How could someone so wonderful do something so terrible?

Most field trips contain sinister plots.

Of course, it is boring to read about boring thing, but it is better to read something that makes you yawn with boredom than something that will make you weep uncontrollably, pound your fists against the floor, and leave tearstains all over your pillowcase, sheets, and boomerang collection.

It is never seven that you count to, before you do something difficult. It is never at the count of two. It is always three, and it is strange.

As if he were reading her thoughts, Klaus put a hand on Violet’s shoulder, and she smiled at him. Klaush had known for all his twelve years that his sister found a hand on her shoulder comforting- as long as the hand was attached to an arm, of course.

In the secret pocket, she often kept a small pocket dictionary, which she would take out whenever she encountered a word she did not know.