849 Quotes by Lemony Snicket

Oh, no,” he said. “We don’t read the newspaper. It’s too depressing. Our motto is ‘No news is good news.

The children had been using these spatulas as oars, but rowing a boat is very hard work, particularly if one’s traveling companions are too busy bragging to help out, and Violet was trying to think of a way they might move the boat faster.

Tee hee torture!

It is the things that have a history, L. Compared to them we are ghosts.

Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree, because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch, or you might simply get covered in sap, and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors, where it is harder to get a splinter.

If you try to avoid every instance of peer pressure you will end up without any peers whatsoever, and the trick is to succumb to enough pressure that you do not drive your peers away, but not so much that you end up in a situation in which you are dead or otherwise uncomfortable. This is a difficult trick, and most people never master it, and end up dead or uncomfortable at least once during their lives.

You know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.

If we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives.

It is easy to decide on what is wrong to wear to a party, such as deep-sea diving equipment or a pair of large pillows, but deciding what is right is much trickier.”