370 Quotes by Lewis Black

I am Batman. That’s who I am, who are you?

If you’re going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you’d better be sure that God has faith in them.

The whole Valentine’s thing is fine, but you don’t back it up right next to the biggest gift-giving holiday of the year. Unbelievable. And we find it acceptable.

Do you know what ‘meteorologist’ means in English? It means liar.

I do like Guinness, I have to say, because you feel like you’re eating something.

I’m not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I’m not. So it’s hard for me to come up with things, because I don’t write stuff, I don’t write my act down.

Going up to Canada is great because I’m not dealing with people carrying their agendas into the room. I’m lucky because 97% of the people who come to the show know who they are dealing with, whether they are on the left or the right, we’re sharing the same frustration.

I love anything that gets me outside of my own head. I love music because it’s really just – I tried to play piano as a kid. I was awful. It didn’t help, and this is absolutely true, that my piano teacher had arthritis. And that’s not a good way to learn.

I can be drunk until 6 in the morning, and then I don’t have to show up to work until 14 hours later.