370 Quotes by Lewis Black

I’m constantly in fear of having a stroke.

I had to watch the Republican stuff which makes me feel even older than I am. By the time I get through the Democrats, I may be dead. I don’t know how much older I can get.

I went to New Zealand this year, and, whew man, I know a lot of people want to go there. But let me just tell you, it’s 22 hours by plane. So, if you have the opportunity, don’t.

I have this insane optimistic streak that the American people prevail over the stupidity that the leadership exhibits time and time again, and I think that’s the truth.

It’s a shame cars don’t run on cognitive dissonance.

If you listen to a song and get an image in your head, and then you go home and watch mtv and the image they’re showing is the same as the one in your head, kill yourself. You’re better off coming back as a lobster.

I have N’Sync and Aerosmith and Britney Spears. I have a trifecta from hell.

Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourettes’.

We don’t have seasons anymore. You know why? We lost the ozone layer. Well, put it on milk cartons – let’s find it!