86 Quotes by Lewis Grizzard

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.

If you ain't the lead dog, the view never changes.

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

When people ask me what sign I was born under, I say "I'm not certain, but it could have been the one that says 'Dining Car in opposite direction'.

Let's all start walking more and driving less.

If Love Were Oil, / I'd Be About a Quart Low.