65 Quotes by Louie Anderson

My inspiration is coming more and more from the way I feel and the gratitude I feel. The older you get the more humility you have.

My first words were 'Seconds, please.' Most kids in kindergarten napped on a little rug. I had a braided 9 x 12.

At Thanksgiving, my mom always makes too much food, especially one item, like 700 or 800 pounds of sweet potatoes. She's got to push it during the meal. "Did you get some sweet potatoes? There's sweet potatoes. They're hot. There's more in the oven, some more in the garage. The rest are at the Johnson's."

My mom was a garage sale person, save money. Come on in to the garage sale, you might find a shirt. She'd get in that garage sale and point stuff out to you. There's a good fork for a nickel. Yeah, that's beautiful. It's a little high. If it were three cents I'd snap it up.

I’m washing lettuce. Soon, I’ll be on fries. In a few years, I’ll make assistant manager, and that’s when the big bucks start rolling in.

My mom was a garage sale person, save money. Come on in to the garage sale, you might find a shirt. She’d get in that garage sale and point stuff out to you. There’s a good fork for a nickel. Yeah, that’s beautiful. It’s a little high. If it were three cents I’d snap it up.

I’m a 7 o’clock act. My people want to go to a show, a dinner and then go home and go to bed.

I felt ashamed for what I had done. I don’t have any excuses. I did what I did. I take full responsibility for myself and my actions. I wouldn’t pawn this off on anybody. I’m sorry it happened. And I hurt people.

When I say, ‘I can’t stay long, I’m in-between meals,’ that plays differently on the radio than it does in person. So I have to pick material that works because the words are funny, not just because of the images.