65 Quotes by Louie Anderson

I have a cousin Ernie who buys stuff. He’s got a big snowblower that’s actually the biggest snowblower you can buy, with a remote control, so he doesn’t even have to go outside. He’s got the microwave and a satellite dish, it’s all in one. He cooks and watches at the same time.

It’s so much easier to be cynical.

We all think we’re going to get out of debt.

Sadly, no one in our family ever said, “I love you.” Do you realize that? The truth is, I think we were all frightened of saying it, since the obvious reply would’ve been. “Well, if this is love, what is hate like?

After 34 years, I feel like I did when I was starting out. I feel excited and feel I’ve never been better doing what I do.

I’ve been in Vegas. That’s where you get into the money thing. Boy, you get greedy in Vegas, you know. That’s the only place that you can bet $25, get it up to $500 and refuse to quit.

I was with a famous comedian when a young fan walked up and asked for an autograph. The comedian blew him off. I’ll never forget the look on the young boy’s face. He was devastated.

My first words were ‘Seconds, please.’ Most kids in kindergarten napped on a little rug. I had a braided 9 x 12.

I have added a lot. There’s some Vegas stuff and hotel stuff and a whole chunk on health.