227 Quotes by Louis C.K.

My bank is the worst. They are screwing me. You know what they did to me? They’re charging me money for not having enough money. Apparently, when you’re broke, that costs money.

There’s been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It’s really easy to say, ‘Well, you’re Christian, you’re anti-this and that, and I hate you.’ But to me, it’s more interesting to say, ‘What is this person like and how do they really think?’

Spend time with your kids and have your own ideas about what they need. It won’t take away your manhood; it will give it to you.

I’ve always benefited from knowing machines well, because it’s freedom, it gives you freedom, I always knew that.

To me, art supplies are always okay to buy.

Stand-up is probably the most solo performance in art.

I do actually use a boxing trainer when I train for stand-up.

I like all ladies of all different ages.

Sorry – Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone’s getting hurt.