227 Quotes by Louis C.K.

My kids and I figured out that there’s a third kind of person, and I don’t know what you call them, but it’s somebody who sees that the glass is always full because it’s half full with water and half full with nothing, so that’s the third kind of person. I don’t know what it is.

I don’t care about the weight. You know, I’m lucky; I’m one of those people – I can eat donuts, whatever, and I just get fat.

There’s no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it.

You would never do stand-up without an audience. I mean, no one would even consider it. It’s like they’re the instrument you’re playing.

If I’m not on tour, I can run down to the comedy club and do a little stand-up. If you’re an actor, you can’t go – I guess there’s forms of it.

Young people don’t even consider that it’s a good idea to be out on the fringe, which is where good ideas come from.

Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don’t care about other stuff.

When I am in a hotel, and I turn off the lights and the TV, I just freak out. I turn the TV back on and don’t get any sleep.

Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two.