227 Quotes by Louis C.K.

I was an awkward kid.

My uncles were all funny. My dad wasn’t funny, but my uncles were all funny. Now I go back and I like him better than them, they were manipulative funny.

How do women still go out guys, when you consider that there is no greater threat to women than men? We’re the number one threat to women! Globally, and historically one cause of injury and mayhem to women. You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease.

When two kids are being completely berserk, and they’re naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I can see a future where they’re going to be dressed, and they’re going to be at school. So I kind of let stuff go sometimes.

I don’t like comedy. I like funny things. I don’t like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, ‘Oh Jesus.’

You have to be able to do a bunch of things at once, and not think about things you’re not doing while you’re doing other things. You have to be disciplined about not trying to do everything, all at the same time. It’s hard and fun.

The last jobs I had were fixing cars and covering football games for a local access TV station. As in driving the mobile van to the field, setting up 3 cameras, teaching depressed grownups and interns how to use them and directing the game from the van and then wanting to kill myself.

Very few American parents give a crap about how they raise their kids. They put minimal effort into it. Who told you it’s a good idea to buy a developing mind a video game?

You can’t direct without a good crew.