227 Quotes by Louis C.K.

I know what it’s like to have a bunch of material that’s working that you don’t care about. You want to die.

I look around, pretty much 100% of the people driving are texting. And they’re killing, everybody’s murdering each other with their cars. But people are willing to risk taking a life and ruining their own because they don’t want to be alone for a second because it’s so hard.

I’d like to name my kid a whole phrase. You know, something like Ladies and Gentlemen. That’ll be a cool name for a kid. This is my son, Ladies and Gentlemen! Then, when he gets out of hand, I get to go, Ladies and Gentlemen, please!

I do have very deep, fond memories of my family in Mexico City, but I also remember feeling funny for not speaking English – I was basically an immigrant. But I picked up the language fast and soon I knew that I wanted to be a writer.

When you’re a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother’s assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore.

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

I was a nerd growing up, and I’m a little antisocial and awkward.

If you had a jetpack you’d be like I have the shittiest jetpack. Who’s your service provider on your jetpack? Did they make the new one? I hate this thing.

I’ve started to kind of hate people, and it’s not because I have anything against them. It’s just, I enjoy it. It’s recreation.