148 Quotes by Mallory Ortberg

Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment.

Don't let a friend make you feel publicly uncomfortable indefinitely just because they're probably a lesbian.

Anyone who thinks it's funny to name their network "Tom'sHugeEtc" is going to think it's funny that one of his neighbors is also named Tom and is embarrassed by it.

You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn't matter to you. Please don't miss out on it.

I agree that biphobia is real, but I think it's absolutely worth considering that someone who "despises" having sex with her husband - and men in general - may not be interested in men sexually.

It's one thing to be a high achiever; it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the "misfortune" to drive a bus for a living.

If your wife briefly corrects someone with "Actually, I'm bisexual" during conversation, it hardly sounds like attempting to remain an object of desire to me. If she went around saying, "Actually, I'm still very interested in men, particularly you, you massive dose of sexual charisma," you might have a case.

You're right to want to minimize your compulsive physical behavior in the workplace before it bothers your co-workers, but I hope very much you can also give yourself credit for the work you're already doing.

Periodontal bacteria can easily slip into the bloodstream and cause infection elsewhere in the body.