148 Quotes by Mallory Ortberg

As long as you don't think he's just pretending not to mind for your sake, it sounds like he has truly accepted that blow jobs are too difficult and painful for you to perform, and he's still very satisfied with your sex life. Take him at his word.

LGBT youth face a much higher risk of violence and homelessness after being rejected by their family of origin.

You can't prevent a possible future closeness between your upcoming child and one or more of their grandparents.

Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.

Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling; others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.

It can't hurt to have a backup.

To stop challenging someone from using anti-gay language simply because they persist in using anti-gay language strikes me as a defeatist approach.

If just one person touches you without your permission, stepping back and saying clearly, "Please don't touch me" should get them to stop.

An adult woman should not be so possessive of her own birthday that she begrudges her friends the chance to get married on the same day.