148 Quotes by Mallory Ortberg

It certainly was unusual growing up with two fairly well-known pastors as my parents.

I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.

It's an unfortunate reality of life that toxins are constantly building up in our bodies.

If this is something you'd truly like to work on, not out of a sense of guilt but because you would enjoy occasionally reciprocating, there are a wealth of resources out there for the enthusiastic amateur (you are far from the only would-be blow-jobber whose spirit is willing but gag reflex is weak). You have more options than "no blow jobs, ever" and "regular whole-hog sessions to completion that result in vomiting."

Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people.

There's no specific mission statement for the 'Toast.'

Usually my writing is very over the top and bombastic and very, like, 'I'm amazing! Look at me!'

So many people choose silence after the immediate wake of a death out of fear of saying something out of turn or "bringing up bad memories" that bereaved people often feel forgotten.

Weirdly, often the more I write, the more ideas I have.