96 Quotes by Mark Forsyth

This leads to the great theory of human history: that we didn’t start farming because we wanted food – there was loads of that around. We started farming because we wanted booze.

Medieval lovers used to fond each other, and if they did this too often, they began to fondle. Fondling is a dangerous business, as sooner or later it leads to snugging, an archaic word that meant to lie down together in order to keep warm. Repeated incidences of snugging will result in snuggling, and pregnancy. Whether.

You’re either better or you’re worse, you’re either richer or you’re poorer, you’re either sick or you’re healthy. There are no other options. If you need some words there you could say ‘in any circumstances’. But really, you don’t need to say anything at all. ‘Till death us do part’ kind of has it sewn up.

To remember that I used to like avocados with a touch of walnut oil only adds to my shame. Even.

A dutiful son has to remember not to slouch or swear or, in Hamlet’s case, murder the old bat.

So popular is alliteration that in the 1960s it actually made a grab for political power. In the 1960s a vast radical youth movement began campaigning to do things for the sole reason that they began with the same letter. Ban the bomb. Burn your bra. Power to the people. For a moment there it seemed as though alliteration would change the world. But then the spirit of idealism faded and those who had manned the barricades went off and got jobs in marketing.

Anything to do with persuasion is rhetoric, right down to the argumentum ad baculum, which means threatening somebody with a stick until they agree with you.

The medievals often mixed up their Gs and Ws, which is why another word for guarantee is warranty.

And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.′ Matthew 19:24. This verse has always rather worried rich men who tend to ask themselves how much a really damned big needle would cost.