155 Quotes by Michael Ian Black

It doesn’t matter what you’re chasing, when you get there you’re gonna be like, “Oh, is this all? It kind of sucks.”

I don’t chase after things, but I put forward the effort and know the rest of it is out of my hands.

My process is surprisingly straightforward. I find myself with little to do over a stretch of time and I say, “I should write children’s books today.” Then I sit down and write a children’s book, and if it takes more than, realistically, three hours, I feel like I’ve done something wrong.

There is something about the human condition. I don’t think dogs are like “If only I was a poodle instead of a golden retriever, I’d be totally happy.” Dogs are happy with who they are.

Perhaps we will end up one of those sad childless couples who spend all their time sleeping late, buying luxury goods, traveling the world, and enjoying each other’s company. That would be terrible.

I’m not sure what it would mean to have “made it.” Made what? Yes, I can make a decent living in show business, so if that’s the criteria, then I’ve made it. But that doesn’t feel that important to me. The stuff that matters to me are the new challenges. I know that sounds hokey, but it’s true.

I don’t think I was awake for much of my childhood. I did a lot of napping. This might have been a defensive measure against encroaching depression. Until about the age of eleven or twelve, I had zero interests other than trying to steal gumballs from supermarket gumball machines.

I feel no obligation to teach my readers anything, to impart any sort of wisdom, to teach any sort of lesson, to instill any sort of morality. All I’m trying to do is make them and their parents laugh.

My fear is if I expose myself, not so much that I’ll be hurt, but that the reaction will be “Is that all there is? Is that the entirety of you? Because it’s boring.”