80 Quotes by Mo Rocca

Yes, I still love 'South Park,' but I also love morning TV now.

I'd rather call myself a mischief-maker, an imp, rather than a satirist. Satirist sounds so self important. Plus no one is calling himself an imp right now. It makes me feel special.

The most important thing is to write material that YOU think is funny. If you don't think it's funny, but you're convinced that other people will think it is, well they won't.

One could say, that #‎ Masons were raised right.

It's interesting, because I tend to trust a man with big ears.

Irony is the disparity between what you expect will happen, and what does happen. So raining on your wedding day isn't ironic, it's just crappy. It would have been ironic if she had lived in a place like Seattle, and traveled to the desert of Mexico for a wedding and it ended up raining there, but not in Seattle. Alanis always gets the last laugh though. We all sit here, saying her song isn't ironic, but in fact, that's pretty ironic that she wrote a song called Ironic that wasn't really ironic. Those Canadians are pretty crafty.

If there's one thing that everyone can agree on, it's that, right or wrong, they hate the press.

I have a Keurig coffee maker, which is really kind of a luxury. It was given to me by an ex. I realized when I’m feeling sentimental, I’ll gently, tenderly press the button. Then when I remember he dumped me, I punch it.

Think of all that hard work our founding fathers put in – the revolutionizing, the three-fifths compromising, having to write the entire Constitution with a quill – and yet they neglected to include the right to vote.