107 Quotes by Neil Simon

If you can go through life without experiencing pain you probably haven’t been born yet.

I got brown sandwiches and green sandwiches. Its either very new cheese or very old meat. – Oscar Madison, from The Odd Couple.

Don’t listen to those who say, you taking too big a chance. Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be rubbed out by today.

I don’t like dating or just living with a woman. I like to create a relationship, a marriage. And almost all of my marriages have involved children, so I’m really a family man as well.

Goldie Hawn is funny, sexy, beautiful, talented, intelligent, warm, and consistently sunny. Other than that, she doesn’t impress me at all.

All humor is based on hostility – that’s why World War Two was funny.

I love living. I have some problems with my life, but living is the best thing they’ve come up with so far.

How long do you want to wait until you start enjoying life? When you’re sixty-five you get social security.

You get attached to the way you write, and I’m attached to notebooks. That’s where I really write the plays. Just two or three pages at a time, then I transfer to the typewriter and rewrite while I type.