230 Quotes by Nick Offerman

We realized that the world of popular culture had been creating the perfect candidate for many years: the female champion of the universe.

I keep having these bros come up to me and say, "I used to watch you when I was a fetus," and I just want to kill them.

Children are so egocentric - they want to watch their lives, and not yours.

When I [first] went to university, I was doing foreign languages, because I had done them since I was 13 years old. I had done French and German. I picked up Italian, just sort of blasted through the exams, [and then] took off overseas, because I wanted to be an actor. I thought, "I'm just not academic." I'm not very competitive, in terms of acting. But since going back to university, I've realized, I am highly competitive.

When I arrive in Los Angeles in the entertainment community, and I use implements like a shovel and a hammer, our society has distanced itself so far from working with its hands that those incredibly pedestrian skills are perceived as somehow being extraordinary.

Love one another, make something with your hands, and exalt the farmer.

When we think of an actor, we think of a tanned, frosted-tipped, model-looking guy. We don't think of a plumber.

I am a saxophone player.

Don't use barbiturates before going on stage. And be honest.