230 Quotes by Nick Offerman

I think that laziness in many ways is the human condition, and that's what has led us to this place where, as we've developed technology.

Before people figured out I was funny, I got cast quite a bit as either a rapist or serial killer or the guy who catches those people.

Shut your damn mouth.

No matter how you decide to spend a little more time on your gestures of giving, the point is just quite simply that you do.

I awaken. I consume oxygen, then bacon, eggs and black coffee, then my wife, then bacon.

The quest for the next key art awards begins with tomorrow's hangover

When I was a kid, I lived in this small town way out in the country. We had three TV channels and one radio station. I couldn't even get my hands on good comic books. My aunt, who is a librarian, gave me Tolkien's "The Lord of the Rings," Laura Ingalls Wilder's "Little House on the Prairie," and Lewis's "The Chronicles of Narnia." They were such incredible treasures to have in my somewhat mundane country life.

Whatever it is you like to do, that's the sexiest part of you.

Men and women alike, if you think that altering the tip of your nose with surgery will make you happier, I would suggest you alter something much more malleable than your flesh, like your priorities, or your friends.