230 Quotes by Nick Offerman

If properly dried and trimmed, New York-style pizza could be used to make a box for Chicago-style pizza. I love a slice when I’m in NYC, but it’s like eating a Slim Jim compared with a filet mignon. One slice of Gino’s East stuffed sausage pizza is a bigger meal than an entire New York pie.

My wife happens to be probably the greatest working woman in comedy. I can’t think of anyone who even approaches her achievements and her abilities.

I’m very hairy, and men in film and TV are no longer allowed to be hairy.

I’m always pleased that I managed to stay out of jail throughout my tenure in Chicago.

A lot of people find themselves in the entertainment business – or perhaps society steers them toward it – because they’re beautiful.

When I use weed creatively, I’m much better at drawing or making something or playing music. But what I do for a living is mostly performing as an actor or writing, and for those things I need to have my faculties sharp.

I have a wonderfully hedonistic appetite, and if I wasn’t really strict with myself, I’d weigh 300 pounds. I’m not good with moderation.

My wife, the actress Megan Mullally, was an English major at Northwestern University and loves fiction. Like so many things in my life, she curates things for me. For example, I have the daunting prospect of Donna Tartt’s “The Goldfinch” waiting for me when I get through my current reading pile.

If I had more time, I’d watch more woodworking or home-improvement shows, but, not enough hours in the day.