230 Quotes by Nick Offerman

I've been working steadily as an actor since around 1998. I wasn't well known in the public, but I was a dependable working journeyman.

If you like comedy, go home and curl up with Leviticus. The writers of The Onion are handed Leviticus on their first day.

We have such an embarrassment of riches when it comes to choice. Do you want to hike in the Alps? There are 300 pairs of shoes you can order within the next 10 minutes. You have your choice of everything.

Really, all religious teachings can be boiled down to: “Just be cool. Don’t be an asshole.

I have a corn creamer that I love. It extracts pulp and juice from kernels, and I simmer that down into a creamed corn that has an almost mashed potato-like consistency. I add butter and hit it with chopped fresh chives at the end for an accent of color.

I think that purity creates not only a higher level of artistic vision but a purer work ethic.

I have a wonderfully hedonistic appetite, and if I wasn't really strict with myself, I'd weigh 300 pounds. I'm not good with moderation.

A lot of people find themselves in the entertainment business - or perhaps society steers them toward it - because they're beautiful.

I worked a lot in Chicago's theater scene as a fight choreographer. And so I do have a lot of experience in stage combat and also in Kabuki dance and Kabuki theater.