9 Quotes by Niels Saunders

He thought his jokes were harmless, those little sips of poison. Even if they were, nobody found them funny – even him deep down. All they really did, for a few sad seconds, was make a world in need of warmth an even colder place.

People like him had these weird thick skins. You insult them to their face and it whistles past their ears. They take irony as compliments and barely even notice your wittiest retorts. When.

I don’t hate you because I love you, I hate you because you’re a racist hypochondriac with Narcissistic personality disorder.

Kids are simple creatures, ruled by greed and fear and an eternal reluctance to go to the toilet.

Excuses: always carry one. Never leave home without one. Especially when a racist hypochondriac keeps asking you to lunch.

It wasn’t failure that crushed me, but hope – the daydreams that slowly became expectations.

The best way to coerce people is through guilt and fear. It’s why religion’s done such smashing business for thousands of years.

Life’s not a performance, it’s a dress rehearsal: people on an unfinished stage who don’t quite know what they’re doing, getting their lines wrong and never fully in character. Everyone’s an amateur, an understudy, we just get better at hiding it.

His palm was so clammy and hot, it was like shaking an armpit.